This Sunday brings to us the biggest holiday on the American sporting calendar. No, I’m not talking about my nephew Tyler’s first basketball game. He is 5 and he gets crossed over like the tiny honkey he is. That kid’s knees slam together more than the Newton’s Cradle on a republican’s desk. No, I’m talking of course about the Super Bowl.
Regardless of how the game turns out, the real essence of the Super Bowl is the party. This is the one day a year where sports fan and regularly functioning human beings alike can all unite in watching something that truly doesn’t matter. I have been to more than my share of dope ass parties to watch the big game and I would like to share some of the secrets of what made those parties so dope ass with you, my friends, right now. I’d also like to alert you that since I am now a single man who is alone in a big city and far away from the loving bosom of my family, I have nowhere to watch the game as of writing this.
Beer: What’s a party without some suds! Nothing says America’s biggest sporting event like some beers, some cool commercials and the warm presence of stand up comedian Mike O’Keefe. The rule of thumb on this is 2 beers a person for every quarter. That way you can make sure that everyone has more than enough brews to last the whole game and into the Late Show with Stephen Colbert but not into the Late Late Show with James Corden. Also, I love helping recycle beers.
Food: Gluttony and football go together like peanut butter and jelly. Like Rizzoli and Isles. Like a party at your house to watch this year’s super bowl and me, disease free, hilarious, good guy Mike O’Keefe. While ordering a bunch of pizza pies from one of the quarterback endorsed locations, nothing says I care about my guests like some good old homemade vittles. Check out these awesome Super Bowl recipes from the good people at Mccormick’s. They love helping you prepare for the Super Bowl as much as I love watching the Super Bowl with you and your loved ones at your house.
Gambling: The crux of any Super Bowl is the sweet, sassy side action, and no I’m not talking about infidelity, I’m talking about gambling you sick fuck. Gambling is a great way to keep everyone at your fiesta de futbol norteamericano more than entertained. You can’t go wrong with some classic super bowl points squares. You can also have some fun side bets. Y’know, fun stuff like how many sacks will there be, how long will the national anthem last or how many beers does Sirius XM veteran comedian and former National Honor Society member Mike O’Keefe need to drink to text his ex-girlfriend!
Regardless of how you watch the big game, remember that it’s all about having fun. Football, in it’s purest form, is all about bringing people together to watch grown men play a very dangerous and life threatening game for an egregious amount of money. And what better person to do that with than me, seeker of friendship and little smokies, Mike O’Keefe.